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LOCAL INSTITUTE DISCOVERS MICROSCOPIC INTELLIGENCE
Temecula, CA, a small town off the highway, is typically disregarded by the scientific community due to the unorthodox hypotheses proposed by locals. These claims range from a “snake-hurricane” appearing in the sunny area to a “vile, horned shadow” distributing adverts from an old grain mill (the latter of these is often reported throughout the town, “shopping at vegan supermarkets and yelling at employees”). However, a Temecula-based research institute has just last month published claims of a single-cell organism capable of “speech, thought, and introspection,”. This species, named the ‘Chekhov Haemolyticus’, was yet to be verified by other scientists, though compelling reports have indeed been submitted. An attempt to contact MacGuffen Research, the group behind the discovery, has yielded no response thus far. Many in the scientific community are skeptical of such claims, though, as the institute in question has numerous [alleged] accusations of unethical…
RESEARCH INSTITUTE LOSES HISTORIC PRINTER
In a debacle which shocked no one, the [allegedly] poorly organized MacGuffen Research Institute has no record of a dual scanner/printer supposedly in their possession. The website belonging to the group states they accept photographic submissions of “extranormal” occurrences in Temecula, CA, where the institute is based. What they fail to mention is that locals will often bring physical items to MacGuffen’s brick-and-mortar location, exchanging them for petty cash. One item is the incredibly rare and highly sought after “HP PrintCraft InkJet Printer”, a prize piece for both printer enthusiasts and paranormal collectors alike. Recent legends speak to the prophetic ability of the printer, which via misprints alters the documents it produces to showcase future and past events not publicly known. A separate news station, local to Temecula, reported via an “Instagram Story” last week that they had purchased the printer at auction, although this claim has not yet been verified…
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